Retreat @ Avila Hse 181106

One-chan went for a leadership camp then immediately motivated to blog, I went for a retreat two weeks ago and still struggling to post. The retreat was at the chaplaincy, where 6 students turned up. Allocating time for God is not easy. Two seminars and lots of time for reflection, including mass and benediction. I personally enjoy retreats, because I genuinely believe it necessary in putting time aside to reflect on oneself. Thereby absorbing life lessons I gather from looking back at my past actions, and my present knowledge. They call it ‘divine intervention’, Phing calls it ‘epiphany’, I call it ‘enlightenment'. Life is a lot simpler than people would have you believe. Will just record some of the more striking points I gathered from Fr. Ian the other day.

A way to discern people with the strongest faith in God is by asking them the question, “have you ever doubted your faith?”. Those that answered “Never!” and "Of course!” are the strongest. As with most people, my faith goes through a sinusoidal cycle of peaks and valleys, but I do try and strengthen it as I grow older. It almost is a natural process that the more one experiences life, the more one experiences God, which in turn strengthens one’s faith. The fundamental question of “does God exist?” is not even a question to me because I have accepted it, partly because of convenience (a born-Catholic), partly because of conviction (miracles of life). For those who doubt the moral God, moral (good / bad) itself is a product of the human conscience, and moral is ephemeral in existence. To me, God is a subtle integration of my conscience, and his divinity transcends through my actions, because He made me.

Fr. Ian gave a most beautiful example of dealing with life’s uncertainty: when feeling down, confused, disturbed, or angry, go “sit beside yourself”. Splendid. Nothing of the schizophrenic sort here, just take a step back, and using your true self to evaluate your current self. Again, it is an example of God’s divinity transcending within you. It is saying: my true self, manifesting God, takes a good look at my current self, then laughs at the idiocy of feeling whatever negative thoughts I may be having. But if anyone does see me sitting beside myself, you better pray it is only an illusion.

St Vincent de Paul said, “when someone knocks while prayer, leave god for God”. Pope Benedict’s encyclical “God Is Love” also contains a beautiful section about Mother Mary (C. 41). These two great figures of faith understood that God’s divinity transcends in their actions, and that they’re undertaking God’s initiatives, as much as they are willing to put their time aside for prayer. I know I am not the best Catholic around, especially with the smart mouth and indifferent demeanor. It is irritating for the perfectionist living inside me, but I have to loosen up and understand God’s sincerity. I have to learn how to not doubt God’s sincerity.

We do all kinds of things each day because of fear – fear of rejection, fear of being ugly, fear of being lonely, fear of the unknown, fear of feeling stupid etc. That’s why we act up and try to impress. But we know our true self disapproves of all these. It is surprising, but letting go of the false facades and breaking down your own outer facade, and you will realize that you have more friends than ever before. That we people yearn to know each other’s true self, because they are identical in nature. Guess those were the parts that impacted me. Joke heard during tea time:

James: Do you want sugar in your tea?
Miriam: No thanks, I’m sweet enough.

Cheesecake Crumble

Smiles and congratulations, when gossip turned fact
Blush on her face, pride in his eyes
Friends and family gather round
Once in a lifetime

Perfect like a well-baked cheesecake
The icing, was quite a story
Romance flickering like a light bulb
‘On / Off’, became a permanent switch

Time goes by like wind
Joy and glee become the theme
Warm embraces and firm hugs in the mornings
Kisses ashowering and sweet talks in the evenings

There there, boredom ensues
The cheesecake starts to crumble
Unbeknownst, not even to them
The colour of the surface was tainted from the first day

Was it the pressure
Was it the guilt
Was it the familiarity
That disguised love

Slowly they disintegrate, the hearts sway
The perfect union turns into a party
The day comes, voices turn to barks
Reason and pride go out the window

You do everything for me, even if I don’t ask you too
Make up your mind, take your stand
We are not perfect, like you once said
I will leave now, if you permit so

What am I to do, without you
You said you love me, and I believed it so
All that I’ve done, is up in smokes
A try-out, a trial run, was that me in the farm

(to be continued… quite exhausting emotions even before the guilt comes in)

Inspiration after watching Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes from a Marriage (1973), the BEST character study of relationships, especially marriages, that I’ve ever seen. Screw the recent Little Children, this classic has the two leads bouncing off each other with non-stop dialogue, the odd and awkward pauses, the emotions seen through the eyes, and the fiery passion that engulfs their weak souls. Brilliant, that I didn’t feel a nudge wink throughout its 167 mins of Swedish dialogue. In other news, I successfully manoeuvred myself through Accenture Malaysia’s interview here in Manchester. Now awaiting Senior interview to be done most likely when I get back, IF my luck here runs out.

Tribute to OG KC1A

150905 - 080906. 51 weeks. My Manchester Welcome. The nest of warmth. My home away from home.

Pambos, the Cypriot, all bushy and groggy,
as we scare each other in the mornings.
Julian, the Columbian, boisterous and hearty,
as he sings, dances, drinks and party.

A 14-inch idiot box is what links us together,
the Simpsons & F1 plays behind the banter.
3 guys with a clean kitchen,
is rarer than a green chicken.

the orange duvet, the tiny space of a toilet.
dreams and inspirations, is just outside my window.
A year of my life, your time is up,
on the last night, Opal Gardens is dark.

My current nest is the Wilmslow Park floorboards. My friends provide the warmth. Frozen prata and dhaal has never tasted better.

WP, Grapes & Cabbie

A month since last update. Family trip continued into Ireland & London. Settling into Wilmslow Park bunking. Daily trips to library for wireless net access. Daily masses for spiritual rejunevation and future guidance. Joseph's gone back. Am staying in Phing's room now since she's gone Ibiza & Barca-ing. Addicted to the Harman/Kardon speakers.

The trip turned out a whole lot better after my last update. I am not going into details but an overview can be seen in Onei-chan's blog. More pics at my Friendster. Overall, it's just a solid family re-bonding and some much-needed support in the cold discriminating country. Edinburgh was beautiful with the castle on the hill. Dublin was superbly enjoyable. We were blessed with a bright sunny day in scenic Bath. To save 10 quid, we could only view Stonehenge from 100m away. Back in London, I was chief navigator - meaning lotsa sight-seeing until the foot-bottoms ache. Palaces, churches, gardens, shopping, museums, galleries & duck rice. Utter brilliance. And of course Phantom of the Opera!















































































Commentary from top left to bottom right: (I'm so obviously London-biased)
- meaningful graffiti in tense Belfast
- collection of Barry Flanagan rabbit sculptures along Dublin's main road - O'Connell Street. This O'Connell fellow led a very interesting life.
- Bath Abbey from some gardens below. Breathtakingly beautiful.
- some large rectangular rocks lined up in an unassuming position
- Buckingham Palace commemorates the days they used to monopolise our natural resources. They better be sorry or else God save the Queen.
- superb shot of enchanting Westminster Cathedral
- amidst the jutting-out giant shoes, rocking chairs, flies and horseshoes at Camden's Sunday market, we were most taken aback by this store-sign. Murni sigh..
- there were schoolkids EVERYWHERE in the galleries and museums. What wonderful education these kids receive, yet a quarter of them turn out to be chavs and yobs. Pity.
- Big Ben from the London Eye. Or imagine youself as V from that vendetta movie.
- final meal before Heathrow - fish 'n chips, w/ salt 'n vinegar. Wholesome.

Job hunting is taking up ALOT of time. Every damn company has a customised CV AND cover. Despite the VERY long list of companies I hope to apply, I trust in God that my narrowed-down list would do just fine. Will hopefully know by Christmas whether if I'm going to spend my next 3 yrs here in the UK. Since staying in WP, I realise how much M'sian food one can actually eat here - roti canai w/ dhall, tong sui, Milo, Ribena, curry mee!! It's good that me good pals make me, this 'outsider', feel welcomed and thus a happy bunker.
____________________________________________________________________
In movie news, I caught Scorsese's remake of Infernal Affairs (無間道) - The Departed. Highly lauded by critics and fans alike, I'm pretty sure ANYBODY that has seen IA would take a step back before saying anything good about Departed. I thought the first 3 quarters of the movie a powerful one, strong acting and lotsa character development and plot buildup. Suddenly, the final quarter of the movie just falls apart, a rushed, forced, one-shot revelation that only unnecessarily reminds the viewer that it IS, after all, based on IA. Dear ol' Scorsese remains a sort of a fascination for me, since I absolutely hated Goodfellas and Raging Bull, but loved Casino to death. I give a 5/10 for Departed, solely because it could have been a superb story on its own with the IA premise, instead of using the EXACT same scenes and revelations as IA.

To even out the score, I watched Taxi Driver (1976) the day after, and it has now become one of my top 10 best movies of all time. It's about a NY cabbie who can't stand the shit he sees everyday on his job, the city scum, and decides to do something about it. My absolute favourite movie theme - isolation in the city, is fully explored and almost exploited by De Niro's senile and unbelievable acting. The different relationships Travis have with the people he meets represent the insignificance of life that drives him to end it all. I never knew Cybill Shepard was a stunner and a 13-yr old Jodie Foster is a born actress. I had the chance of reading Paul Schrader's screenplay (in the DVD), and I must reserve special praise to Scorsese for his sublime transition to the big screen.

On a totally unrelated sidenote, it has been observed that my computer has no happy songs. And that I don't like happy movies. But I do know I'm a perfectly happy person. Right. Some gems from Travis Bickle:

"You're only as healthy as you feel. "
"Loneliness has followed me my whole life, everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. "
"Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square...You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?" (to Iris)
"She appeared like an angel. Out of this filthy mess, she is alone. They... cannot... touch... her. " (first sight of Betsy)

Studio Ghibli pt.3: The Commercial (1997 - 2004)

Dissertation. Habis. Fin. In JoyceTheFairy terms,
"I. am. so. happy. can. die. dot. com." (do ppl really talk like that?!?)

PRINCESS MONONOKE
(Mononoke Hime, 1997, Hayao Miyazaki)

13 yrs since Nausicaa, Miyazaki ventures into the mankind-ecology struggles again, this time with more complications and ambiguities. Our hero Ashitaka kills a big bad giant boar and contracts the evil spirit on his right arm. Doomed to die, he leaves his village in search of a cure. Eventually, he gets caught up in a war between a tin-mining town and its adjacent forest. Towards the end, the shishi gami (forest god) turns into a horrible-looking giant looking for its head, then restores everything back to nature. Firstly, how in the WORLD did it get a PG rating, when they are heads and limbs flying off, and monsters spewing blood onto other monsters. Secondly, except for Ashitaka, all men in the movie are useless! Oh well, I don't care bout that. Mononoke is a visual masterpiece, where the forest is detailed right down to the leaves. The creativity team also gets full marks for the shishi gami, giant animals, and the oh-so-cute kodamas. Alas, this action-adventure fare falls short trying to satisfy its genre. It seems to me everybody is just hell bent on killing off the other side, instead of the righteous reaction of nature, like the Ents storming Isengard in LOTR. It also touches on vengeance and religion, which was unnecessary. Still, this is one heck of a cinematic extravaganza not to be missed.

Fave stuff: Uber-cute kodamas, although I'm pretty sure I'll be petrified to see one when forest-trekking.
Verdict: Epic adventure that got lost in itself abit. 8/10

MY NEIGHBOURS THE YAMADAS
(Houhokekyo Tonari no Yamada-kun, 1999, Isao Takahata)

At first glance, I almost avoided this film because of its shabbily-drawn graphics. Oh how lucky I was that I didn't. This comic strip-style feature is a comedy of the Yamada family, told in vignettes of their daily lives. Yamada Nonoko introduces us to Obachan, Otousan, Okaasan & Oniichan, the eccentric Yamadas who are as normal as anyone else. This fave topic of mine, the dysfunctional family, is presented here in a less dramatised Simpsons style. Dad having talks with son, nagging Granny, Mum conning Son to wash dishes, the quiet but matured Daughter etc. These scenes occasionally is mixed up with fantasy scenes depicting metaphors about marriage and family life. The best part of this movie is its humour, and how normal family life can be so amusing at times. The deceptive graphics mask an incredible skill of minimalist drawings, where emotions and figures are depicted clearly with a few strokes, and the watercolour backdrop complements it superbly. Takahata proves that he's "real" dramas are on par with Miyazaki's lil' girl action-adventures.

Fave stuff: Mom & Dad fighting over the remote; the umbrella story.
Verdict: Light-hearted and witty family comedy. 10/10

SPIRITED AWAY
(Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi, 2001, Hayao Miyazaki)

Chihiro stumbles into a magical world, loses her name and parents, forced to work slave labour, becomes a heroine of the truest sense, and nabs a cute guy in the process. And she's only 10yo. Made for "all 10 yr olds", this magical adventure boasts beautiful graphics, brilliant score, compelling storyline, unforgettable characters, and an Oscar to boot. The usual themes of pigs, growing up and cleaning rooms are given an extra boost by its quirky and strangely lovable characters from the bossy Yu-Baaba to the spider-man Kamajii. The theme of identity in a foreign world is also strongly presented. Unlike Mononoke, the sub-plots are integrated perfectly into the story, such as the loneliness of Kaonashi, the greed it generated, pollution and the River God and Bou the big baby literally berdikari ('berdiri dgn kaki sendiri'). On my fifth viewing, finally displaced Laputa as my fave Miyazaki feature.

Fave things: Oshira Sama the Daikon radish god (pic). Prob the character I love the most from Ghibli, even more so than Totoro's Cat Bus.
Verdict: If you love movies, you will love Spirited Away. I doubt Miyazaki will be able to outdo himself with this one. 10/10

THE CAT RETURNS
(Neko no Ongaeshi, 2002, Hiroyuki Morita)

Muta and Baron, the two cats from Whisper of the Heart, make a heroic comeback in this lightweight adventure. Haru, a bumbling girl, saves a cat, and is invited (rather forcefully) to the Cat Kingdom to marry the Cat Prince. Leave it to Baron to save the day and claim the maiden's heart. This peculiar feature depicts cats with human characteristics, and thats about it. It was particularly annoying that Haru's character was paper-thin, like the "find myself" theme was included only because it's a Ghibli. The character development is left trailing in the dust if compared with Kiki or Shizuku (Whisper). Still, the beautiful graphics and humour carries the film quite well. The Baron and Muta proved to be intriguing heroes, and some scenes are absolutely hilarious. Like the palace banquet scene, which featured cats as Egyptians, English, Chinese, Arabs, and had performances reminescent of Michael Jackson's MV Remember the Time. A satisfying debut from Morita.

Fave stuff: The King's 'secret service' just cracked me up.
Verdict: Enjoyable lightweight adventure, although more for the parts than its sum. 7/10

HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE
(Hauru no Ugoku Shiro, 2004, Hayao Miyazaki)

Based on a British fantasy novel and set in Colmar, Howl's tell the story of Sophie, a girl cursed by the Witch of the Waste to have a body of a 90yo. She finds her way to Howl's moving castle, then gets caught up with love and war. For once, an old lady cleaning rooms! Sophie is probably one of the best Ghibli characters that display the strongest personality. The support cast do well, particularly the fire demon Calcifier and Howl's apprentice Markl. Just like any Ghibli, the graphics are breathtakingly beautiful and Joe Hisaishi's moving compositions is a sheer joy to listen to. However, Howl's falls abit short in its storytelling, especially about Howl's heartless problem and the war scenario, which are muddled at best. Luckily enough, such scenes are quickly rejunevated by Sophie's enthusiasm and intelligent resolve. A thoroughly enchanting romantic adventure fantasy.

Fave stuff: Howl's moving castle. The mechanical tongue and the greenery towards the film's end - love it!
Verdict: The biggest mistake one can do is to compare this to Spirited Away. Don't. 9/10

TagMe, TagMe Not

The roundabout came into sight. He can hear his heartbeat now. Thump thump dup dup thump. Gently applying pressure to the accelerator, the dark purple Toyota Prado motions forward with more purpose. It is near. He runs the procedures quickly through his mind: brake, turn, release, brake turn, release. 100m. 50m.

The Prado glides to the outside of the SS3 roundabout. He brakes, turns, releases. However, instead of the 'piu yee' stuff you see in the World Rally Championships, the Prado spins to the side and across the curb. BANG. KRRAAAAKKKK. BOING. The Prado had crashed into a tree. The unfortunate tree, disgusted with this human for bribing the driving instructors, decides to throw him a limb. The thick branch crashed down spectacularly on the Prado, trapping him inside. It was 3am.

At a mamak stall nearby, Hamyu thought he heard a yelp. Like a muffled "Help!". Thinking too much teh-ping is making him hallucinate, he excuses himself from the table, apparently to the loo. As he came out of the bushes, Hamyu saw it. The Prado and the tree. Not even thinking of calling his malat friends, Hamyu races forward. Peering inside the Prado's window, Hamyu could see a mere shape of a giant male genitalia. "I knew it. It's Dicky." As Hamyu tries in vain to open the Prado's door, the tree spoke: "Reveal six random things about yourself. And I'll let him go. Damn you P drivers."

1. thanks to YW YH studios for introducing a new way to respond to tags - to spoof them.
2. unbeknownst to some Manc friends, I too had growing up pains during HS and emo-ed for quite abit then. Me & Big Nose even came up with the motto: "the ultimate philosophy of life is that there is no certain philosophy of life". How genius is that.
3. a majority of my life philosophies are derived from a game. Planescape: Torment (1999) changed my life forever. Is in my list of "things to review in web log".
4. I can generate 1000 random, normally-distributed numbers in MATLAB >> randn(1000);
5. don't like the number six.

6 other P drivers:
1. Phing, who's screaming to be tagged, although she'll need 2 wks to proof-read her 6 random lines.
2. Jay, who seems like he's nvr been tagged.
3. Yiwen, as punishment for not updating her blog during summer hols.
4. Nileey, who wants to add some colour to her life.
5. Hoojx, *edit* TINY-STRAWBERRY!

MERDEKA!!! AKU CINTA MALAYSIA!!! would've written a Malaysian post if only I am free now. Maybe later. Bygawd, 1yr nvr had prawn mee, roti canai, yong tau foo, nasi kandar, mutton curry, crab, kiong yong wan yuu (steamed fish w/ minced ginger), nestlo, taufoofa, ARGH!!!!

Studio Ghibli pt.2: The Underrated (1991 -1995)

The series continues with the lesser known, but still top-class Ghibli productions, during the years between Totoro and Mononoke. I have now decided my dream job is to write movie reviews.

ONLY YESTERDAY
(Omohide Poro Poro, 1991, Isao Takahata)

Another Ghibli breakthrough, Only Yesterday is animation for adults. It tells the story of an office girl taking a sabbatical off to the countryside. On the way there and throughout her stay, she reflects on flashbacks of her childhood. This incredibly realistic drama owes much of its brilliance to its storytelling. Taeko could recount her past experiences clearly, until the point where she feels like it was 'only yesterday', hence the title. The nostalgia is complemented by the luscious countryside landscapes, as she reflects on the absurdity of growing up blues. The flashbacks of first times - cutting a pineapple, being fancied by a boy, her first period; and memories like being poor in maths, and acting in a stage play, slowly sculptures Taeko's character into somebody we all can relate to. The animation is almost life-like (smaller eyes), and I was not used to watching it the first time. On a second viewing, I discarded the concept of typical Miyazaki excitement, and found a touching human drama reminding me that the past is just another step to the future. A winner from Takahata.

Fave stuff: Although very much a drama, the entire movie is kept light-hearted with the humour of everyday life.
Verdict: An animated achievement in storytelling, which gets better with repeated viewings. 10/10

PORCO ROSSO
(Kurenai no Buta, 1992, Hayao Miyazaki & Tony Bancroft)

Set in 1929 Italy, this is a story of a WWI pilot with a pig's head. The common theory is that Porco was disillusioned with life (Italy had turned fascist), and cursed himself to be a pig. What initially was very funny to look at, turned into a terrific war drama. Porco's character is the man who has significant baggage, his childhood ideals shattered and twisted, where trust had gone down the drain. He is still popular with the ladies, the pirates, an American hotshot, and has two girls willing to love him. To me, Porco Rosso is a pleasant Ghibli surprise - stunning recreation of the Adriatic coast, and one of the finest Joe Hisaishi soundtracks. The story is laid-back, the action sequences tame, letting the characters float to the surface of the film. Each personality is unique, Gina's caring to Curtis' brashfulness, Fio's innocence to 'The Boss' comic. If there was a Best Actor award for animations, it would go to Porco, his nonchalant exterior hiding a hurt soul determined to set things right. The expression 'fascist pig' takes a new meaning from now on.

Fave stuff: Porco's hilarious yet deep lines, "I rather be a pig than a fascist." and "A pig that cannot fly is just a pig."
Verfict: Pigs can fly. Casablanca style. 10/10

OCEAN WAVES / I CAN HEAR THE SEA
(Umi ga Kikoeru, 1993, Tomomi Mochizuki)

This made-for-TV movie by a young Ghibli production team tells a story about a love triangle between two friends and a new transfer student. The subtle storytelling of adolescent romance, and snippets of high school excursions, are typical teenagers storyline. What is different is Rikako's character, the girl who transferred reluctantly from urban Tokyo to rural Kouchi. She is cocky and stubborn, a product of divorced parents, and she resents the rural life and her school. However, Rikako possesses the female charm all pretty girls have, which hardly makes her a likeable character, albeit a more real one, that most of us know from someone. My gripe with Ocean Waves is that this could well be as good a movie if acted out in real life by dependable actors. Despite this drawback, it still is a breezy movie of teen romance, able to strike a chord with anyone that has been through high school.

Fave stuff: The scene in Tokyo with Rikako, her ex, and Taku having tea. The ackwardness and to an extent, childishness of their actions, amost ridicules the follies of youth.
Verdict: A breath of fresh air in the teen romance genre. 7/10

POM POKO
(Heisei Tanuki Gassen Ponpoko, 1994, Isao Takahata)

A group of tanukis (raccoon dogs) try to preserve their settlement as urban development threatens to unsettle them. Tanukis are belived to be able to change to any form they want, and is rich in Japanese folklore. For that reason, this bizarre animation feels irrelevant to me, someone that know nothing about Japenese myths. Luckily, the mischief of the tanukis keep the 2-hr runtime entertaining enough. The multitude of plots they hatch to disrupt the humans are hilarious, culminating in a monster parade including one-eyed umbrellas and bearded spiders. (full list of monsters HERE, picture HERE) However, by the time that scene arrived, I was already feeling jaded as the tanukis could never win, and their antics always border on the ridiculously bizarre. I think Takahata wanted to emphasize the ecology problem, but I felt the story was rooted too much in folklore, which robbed the free-spiritedness off most Ghibli productions.

Fave stuff: The initial battle scene, monster parade, and giant Neko (cat) plot - so outrageous that it became laugh-out-loud funny.
Verdict: Fun but ultimately inconsequential animation. The run-time can use some editing too. 6/10

WHISPER OF THE HEART
(Mimi wo Sumasabe, 1995, Yoshifumi Kondou)

A girl finds out the library books she read have all been previously loaned out by the same person. This romantic plot runs parallel with the story of the girl growing up, seemingly a favourite theme of Ghibli movies. Similiar to Kiki, the maturing journey unfolds in Shizuku's daily life - family, school, friends, boys, and fantasising. Naturalistic and beautifully animated (of a Tokyo town), Whisper of the Heart can truly mesmerize the soul. Although ackwardly paced, the movie climax in a stirring rendition of John Denver's Country Road, ala Nihon-style. The fantasy sequences featuring The Baron is a delight to watch, especially the background illustrations by this guy. The movie's moral is also strongly presented towards the end, when Shizuku forces herself to write a novel in 3 wks. Her determination pays off, thus reinforcing her self-belief. In the end Seiji suddenly proposes to Shizuku, a brave ode to commitment and fullfilment, then the film closes with a tone of finality - two things not so common these days.

Fave stuff: Love the wonderfully arranged song and fantasy sequence, but none can compare with the grandfather clock. Another prop to put in my future living room.
Verdict: Subtle tale of decisions and responsibility, just what I need these days. 9/10

ON YOUR MARK (1995) - A Hayao Miyazaki MV for the song by Chage and Aska. See HERE.

Part 3 will take a while to come out, since I haven't watch Yamadas and The Cat Returns. Also, I kinda forgotten how Howl goes.